Dearest Isha and Amisha,
It's
that time of the year again. Another year is drawing to a close. You are busy
making plans... your friends will be here for a sleep-over and your minds are
full of the TV shows or movies you will watch late into the night. The
approaching exams are far from your mind and that's exactly how it should be.
As the year ends and a new one begins, there is a sense of new beginnings,
expectations of much happiness in the new one.
I
sometimes sit and think how quickly time has flown. I can still see you being
born, bringing you home, those sleepless nights, those first days at school,
those bright smiles that awaited my return... you gave my life meaning, opened
up a world of possibilities that hitherto I did not have. When we went partying
you would cry and cling to our feet in an effort to not allow us to leave. It's
been years since you've done that...nowadays you are happiest when we are out
and you can do what you please.
I
just saw an old picture of your twin
cousins as they slept holding on to each other and it is a real "aw"
picture. I shut my eyes and was transported back to when you two tiny souls too
could not do without each other. When one woke crying, the other would cry.
When one was frightened, the other would call for help. When one was out, the
other would moon around, bored, eyes searching for that familiar face. There
have even been times when one of you would come crying to our door wanting to
get into bed with us. Soon as you were allowed, you'd run and get your sister
as well!
Those
days are gone, you do not come to our room anymore and a sister is a good
punching bag for all your raging teenage hormones and you are fighting most of
the time except when you have to gang up against me. I am so used to all your
bickering that it's like a constant background noise, much like traffic, only
it's indoors.
You
both have other friends and shall keep making them. Those friendships will
remain, but I also know that one day surely you will look around you and find
that your sister's friendship too is one of the most treasured joys because no
one really knows you quite like your sister. And you will realise how fortunate
you are, to have her by your side.
Coming
back to where I was, it's been sixteen years. Yes, Sixteen years that have
passed in a flash. In another three years you both will hopefully be leaving
home, poised as you are on the threshold of board exams and thereafter college
when I hope you will test your wings.
I
know you don't do resolutions. A new year is just a time to celebrate, not make
weird promises that no one keeps! I do not do resolutions either but as you
grow older I just wanted to share some thoughts to live by, (I call them the 5
Cs), some things that may help you if you can fit them into your lives,
especially when I won't be there by your side.
1.
Compassion. Be kind to others, specially people
who work for you. You know the mess you left your room in? When you returned,
everything was back in place. The table and your books were organised too. Someone
obviously did that. Appreciate it. Can't find a book? Do not scream at the
maid, remember she cannot read. And it's not her job anyway, she did it to save
you from a scolding. It's your job. Just as it's your job to get a glass of
water when you are thirsty. Not sit at one place and scream for the maid to
bring you water. The servants are not your chattels. Remember they are here to
serve only because they are less fortunate than you. There is no need for you
to order them around. Or be rude. And there may be a day when you will not have
any maid running circles around you, no driver to take you places either. learn
to be self-sufficient. Yes, walk home from school, wash those clothes yourself,
clear up after yourself! Once you start doing these yourself, you will find
compassion is easy.
2.
Candidness. Above all else, be honest. Speak your
truth clearly and do not think that lying will get you anywhere in the long
run. In all your actions and dealings be true to yourself. Only then can you be
true to anyone else. Ensure you can always walk with your head erect and look
everyone in the eye. If you are dishonest, you will not be able to do that. We
all make mistakes, learn to apologise for them. No one died of saying
"sorry". Accept responsibility for your mistakes. There is no shame
in being wrong but there is shame in lying. But let that not blind you to the
fact that there is a time and place for everything. Do not gossip or feign
affection. Many a time you will be faced with a situation when so-and-so will
want to know what so-and-so says or is doing. Hold your counsel, choose your
words wisely, so that you do not end up hurting anyone. How other people choose
to live is none of your business. Live and let live.
3.
Condone. Everyone makes mistakes, learn to
forgive. It is not easy, but there will be times when you will have kept a
relationship alive by a simple acceptance of a softly spoken "I'm
sorry." And never make the person saying sorry feel small, tomorrow you
may be wearing those same shoes! Most of all forgive yourself. Learn to accept
yourself, warts and all. Curly hair is not a flaw. But if you keep using harsh
straighteners each time you wash your hair, pretty soon there won't be much
hair left to straighten! In any case at the end of the day, remember, what you
look like does not matter. It's the person behind those curls that people will
care for. People will come and go from your life. But there's one person who
will always be there with you: Yourself. So be good to yourself. You will have
your bad days and there will be times when you will fail. Face them and make no
excuses. One can live with failure but not with excuses that take away your
right to fail. Learn to laugh at yourself, learn from your mistakes and move on.
4.
Consistency. Be sincere in all you do. Whether
you are studying or just making a card for a friend, do it well. Whether you
are at work or at play, sincerity is the cornerstone to success. There will be
times when you will find less hard-working or less-deserving (in your eyes)
people will do better than you. Let that not deter you from putting in your
best effort. At the end of the day, you will sleep better.
5.
Contentment . One does not need Gucci handbags
or Prada shoes or a Lamborghini to be happy. if you can get those, it's good
for you. But if you can't, remember happiness can be found in the smile of a
friend, a hand to hold, a warm bed to return to at the end of the day. The quality
of your life does not depend on the brand of the shoes or clothes you wear. The
quality of your life depends on you. You alone can find happiness from your
life, be it in a small shared apartment or a mansion by the sea. The key is
contentment. A lot of motivators will criticize me for this, "dream big", they say. By all means, dream big... but do not make your dreams your masters. Strive to be happy. Appreciate and be grateful for what you have, the rest of the
world will fall in place.
Go
then, may 2016 bring you every joy and happiness you deserve.
May you always have
enough.
Always and forever,
Ma
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