The Circus

 The Mothering Circus! 

In Calcutta, when we were children, winter was a much awaited time. And no, it wasn’t only for the weather. Yes, sure, winter meant none of that sweat of summer that clings to this city all year round. But winter also meant that school was over for another year, so no one could prod us to study. The class was done and dusted and we eagerly awaited a new class in the new year, it meant new stationery and tiffin boxes, a spanking new water bottle and books. Yes, winter meant lazy unstructured days, winter meant oranges in the verandah in the afternoon sun, winter meant those sweaters and blankets shaking themselves out of trunks, winter meant Kulfi in the cold and winter meant the circus.

Each year, the circus visited Park Circus Maidan. That was a pretty large park near our house and my parents always ensured we had tickets for the circus. I loved it. The big top was fascinating and you could hear and smell the animals nearby. That smell of popcorn and candy floss was in the air and music blared from speakers. These were the days well before animal rights activists and the animals were allowed to perform. Unfortunately awareness about animal cruelty was zero in those days which was a bad thing but I like to imagine that when we were kids animal abuse was not so rampant either. But maybe I am just being optimistic. Anyway back to where I was, a visit to the circus, usually with cousins, neighbours and maids in tow used to be an exciting part of my childhood. I remember sitting on the front seat and watching everything with awe, not daring to blink in case I missed anything! Now, with my daughters away in college and having been through the rigours of mothering, I can safely say that a lot of what I know about mothering, was from the circus. Let me explain with a few examples:

1.     The flying trapeze: This was always my favourite part. The show always began with the trapeze. We would get a crick in the neck from gazing up at the top of the tent and watching the dexterity and elegance with which the artists would fly about manoeuvring themselves from one high swing to another. Any mother who has had to juggle a child (or more) and their schedules and playtimes and extra-curricular activities will tell you that it often feels like we are flying from swing to swing with no hope of anyone catching our fall!

2.     The bears: Don’t look at me in horror, I told you there were animals! The bears would perform tricks on stage which usually involved dancing. While now I look back and believe it was cruel, as kids we were hugely entertained by the animals who were seen stepping in time to music. We loved the baby bears, they were super cute, following their mother on stage. Who knew then that all babies are born super cute. Look at my two. When they were born, they too were super cute. You wonder why bears are fat? Well, research shows that mother bears put on around 200 kgs during their pregnancy, in fact, if the female doesn't find enough food to double her weight, her body will actually reabsorb the fetus. Predictably, I too put on weight during my pregnancies. But when my two were small, there were times when I wanted to “re-absorb” them, specially after endless sleepless nights and food fights. And then they grew up and became the devils they are today, while I am still fat!

3.     The performing Monkeys: Monkeys are so similar to us. Any surprise then that when the girls were small, they reminded me most of monkeys , first that incoherent gibberish they speak and then their antics! Monkey moms carry around their young just as we do ours. Even after they leave “home”, they keep returning to visit. My daughters went through this stage when they were like Velcro, attached to me at the hip. When I tried to leave the house, one would attach herself to my foot and be dragged all over the living room. Then they grew up and left home. But they keep wanting to visit. I mean the other day I told them that their college should refund us the fees we have paid for the hostel and mess when they are happily sitting and eating me out of the house! Apparently the hostel food is not to their liking. So they complain and their father melts and orders them food or (horrors) flight tickets! I mean, I don’t care if you had gabarfalli for lunch again today, deal with it. The other day I went to the grocery store and brought back flour and lentil like the maid had asked. The store keeper looked at me in surprise, “is that all?” I was triumphant. “Yes, that is all.” No, I do not have to buy Maggi and Wai-Wai and Iced Tea and Tang and Bhujiya and Chips and heaven-knows-what else just because the girls like it!

4.     The Tigers: In the circus we could barely wait when the cages were put up and the tigers let in. Their trainers came through with a scowl. The tigers leapt through rings of fire and jumped on stools. While I do now realise the cruelty of it all, at the time it was a lesson in ferocity. We loved it when the tiger let out a bone-chilling roar. Even the “trainers” used to pale. Tigers are known to be fierce and protective, how could these be any different? You sometimes read about a tigress attacking a human or even another male tiger because it came between her and her cubs. I totally get that. No matter how much I may crib about my kids (and I include their friends and my nieces and nephews), if anyone even obliquely looks at my children, they have made an enemy for life. I do not understand forgiveness. You hurt my child and I am going to teach you a lesson in holding grudges. You may say I'm holding a grudge, trust me, it's actually a boundary wall topped with barbed wire and broken glass! Be it the teacher who called my daughter “hopeless” at age four or the relative who accused them of doing something they did not do or yet another who hurt them when they were too young to protest, I do NOT believe in moving on!

5.     The elephant parade: This was always a big one! Literally. Some of these majestic animals would stroll by and was usually followed by a baby elephant, who would be prancing around and all the other elephants would be indulgent, protective even, about it. I read an article online recently which said how elephants share one of the best mother-baby bonds in the animal kingdom (yes, nowadays being an “elephant-mother” is a thing) and are loving creatures. The moms stay close to their babies, bringing them back to the fold if they wander away, bathing them, nursing them, and teaching them survival skills. And elephants stay with their mothers for an average of 16 years. Sound familiar? My daughters stayed till they were 18 and then left for college. Even now they need to be told to have a bath, eat their meals and generally be looked after. Their survival skills are yet to be tested because we are just a phone call or plane fare away!

6.     The motorcycle stunt. There would be a huge vroom-vroom and a man on a motorcycle would drive up and go round and round in this huge circular cage, which used to be called “maut ka kuan” (or ‘the well of death’). Sometimes another man (or two) would join him on another bike and they would dangerously criss-cross each other in that ‘well’, sometimes a woman would ride pillion. For us kids, we would watch awe struck… My dad often reached over to tell me to shut my mouth or a fly would go in… maybe that explains my own fascination with bikes which still endures. So often, as mothers, we feel like we are on a bike ride which is veering out of control. Specially as the kids grew and were wholly unprepared for their board exams and studies and pressures and I wondered if they would ever get admission into any college, I often felt like I was creening mindlessly along. But there is order in the cosmos. The sound of the bike does fade and pulses come back to normal.

7.     The Jokers: Last but not the least, the clowns. Throughout the show there always are the clowns reminding us not to take ourselves too seriously and telling us that we have to laugh to be able to survive. What would I do without those valuable life-lessons? That’s the most important lesson of all. To be able to laugh. Not only with our children but also at ourselves. We share a lot, my girls and I. We share our sorrows and our joys, we share our achievements and disappointments. But most importantly we share laughter. There’s nothing so serious that cannot be laughed away. There is no problem that cannot be put to rest with a hug and a smile. It isn’t always easy, but its there. And that’s what helps me carry on when I miss my little devils and the night seems without end. The best as they say, is yet to come! 

And you? Did you ever visit the circus? What was it like? What did you learn?