Ah okay, time I faced things as they are. I
am a lousy mother. A serious parenting #fail. I never seem to have the house in
order and my daughters spend most of their lives stuck behind a screen deaf
(and blind) to my attempts at discipline. Sometimes, when for the hundredth time,
I enter their room and ask them to shut the drawer, they stare at me like I
have fallen from the sky. They have no idea it is meant to be shut. Obviously I
have not been able to teach them anything!
I also believe it's never too late to start making
amends. So, instead of beating myself up about my inability to discipline them,
I have, as of today, developed a set of "House Rules" which will be
prominently displayed in the girl's room so that they (and their friends) know
the rules and cannot claim ignorance! Wonder why I didn’t think of this before!
So here goes, this is what they have been
given: (I'll let you know if it worked, as of now as I write this one girl is howling with laughter in the next room, she has no idea how dead serious I am!!)
HOUSE
RULES
(My
house, my rules. If you don't like them, find another place to stay)
1. You
have been given a room to live in. However that does not give you a right to
convert it into a pig sty. Your parents will have right of entry into the room at any
point of time and expect it to be kept clean. If the door is locked, you shall
open the door as soon as a parent knocks. If the door is locked and a parent can hear you
screaming, the parent has a right to break it open.
2. The
cupboards all have doors that close. Let's keep them that way. Shoes found
outside the shoe cupboard can and may disappear and may not reappear in time
for the next party or ever.
3. Books
habitually do not jump in and out of shelves. Any book taken out of any shelf
can and must be returned to its place when you are done with it. The same rule
applies for DVDs, scissors, cello tape, nail-cutting equipment and the stapler,
especially the kitchen scissors.
4. The
washing machine will be turned on every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and
occasionally on Sundays. Your mother will not touch wet stinky clothes that
have been sweating in the bucket and you are responsible for washing the same
and hanging it out to dry. It will continue to lie in the bucket and raise a
stink till the needful is done by who-ever that stink belongs to.
5. Meal
times are known to everyone and are to be adhered to. Snacks are not a matter
of right. Your parents are under no obligation to ensure that kebabs, bacon,
sausages and chicken nuggets are permanently displayed in the freezer so you
can eat them. Kindly ask for permission before gorging on such items.
6. The
refrigerator has a function and that is to preserve food. You do not open the
door and stand there till icicles grow out of your nose. Nor do you eat all the
ice in the freezer section. Cheese and chocolates are not bread or rice and do not form
part of our staple diet, do not devour it as though it is.
7. You
ought to be old enough to know what purpose the bathrooms are used for. Kindly
desist from taking your speakers and listening to music for two hours while you
shower. Water is precious. So are the shampoos, conditioners and body washes
that flow with it when you are bathing. When you exit the bathroom please
ensure that it is dry, the toothpaste has been put away and all your odds and
ends removed. Remember wet towels do not fly and hang themselves to dry, kindly
do the needful to ensure that the damp towel gets some air.
8. The
iron is not a toy. As and when you feel the need to use the same kindly ensure
that the appliance is switched off when you are done and do not keep a hot iron
face down on the ironing board. There is a reason why the ironing board has a
burnt chunk and you know what it is.
9. Any
items of yours (read shoes, slippers, bags, books, accessories) of any nature
whatsoever must not be found in any room other than your own. If it is, you will
be summoned to remove the same with immediate effect and no one cares that you
are tired or sleeping. Whining will not help either.
10. The
television is for entertainment and the characters in your serials are not
real. I do not care that you have to cry each time you seen that re-run of that
serial just because the hot guy died. If it makes you cry, stop watching it. If
it scares you, shut off the TV. Go read a book. Any use of this device should
be limited but as I know you sneak in shows with meal times and have it on
whenever I am not home, let me advise you on its use. You do not turn the
cushion of the divan into a flat pastry by sitting on it. You do not eat on the
sofa and wipe dirty hands on the upholstery. When TV viewing is over,
especially when you have hear the car come in, kindly switch off the TV, the
set–top box, the electric switch and the fan. Most importantly please remove
personal effects like slippers and hairclips and brushes from the vicinity. Leaving
them lying there will let people know you are watching TV when you have been pretending that you haven’t.
11. The
telephone has not been subscribed to with you in mind and it is not your
birth-right. Please bear in mind that until you are old enough to earn and pay
the bills, we are not under any obligation to ensure you get to chat with your
friends. You have your own pre-paid cell-phones for a purpose, kindly use them.
Top up is once a month and you know how much you will get. Kindly be on notice that once the dying
cordless phone's battery dies completely, we are under no obligation to get a
new one. So it is in your interest to ensure that it stays in the cradle and
does not walk around the house.
12. Similarly,
electricity bills are paid by us. Kindly desist from wasting the same by
turning on every light and fan in every room you walk into and not turning it
off when you leave. You talk about saving energy and the environment and
conservation of natural resources; let's start by turning off all the unused devices
in the house.
13. The Wi-Fi is not supposed to
be on for every minute that you are awake or asleep. To switch it on, kindly
take express permission of either parent. You will specify the purpose for the
same and used it for a limited period of time as granted permission for.
Remember when you say you have to do research and spend all your time on
FaceBook, Instagram and SnapChat, the Wi-Fi may be turned off without any
warning.
14. The
maid is not here to make your life comfortable. You do not holler for a glass
of water when you can jolly well help yourself. She does not have to fry you
snacks or make you Maggi at the drop of a hat. Housework will not kill you and
you do not become a servant if you help in household chores even when the maid
is there. So make your own bed, dust your room, clean the dressing table and
the study table. Believe me, you will feel better for it.
15. You
have only one job to do and you know what it is. You have to stand on your own
feet. And be happy. Towards that end, your parents are doing everything
possible to ensure you have a balanced, healthy life. All your indulgences,
extra-curricular activities, socializing with friends, TV benefits, Wi-Fi use
etc are designed for that purpose only. Obey the rules and your parents will
also be happy. And do fit in your studies. You have a responsibility there and
it is all yours as only you know exactly what you have to do: it is the only
way to ensure a stress-free neighborhood.
Thank
you for your attention. These rules are not absolute and may be amended,
altered or added to by either parent at any point of time.
Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, tantrums,
imitations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, consternation
and suggestions should be directed elsewhere.
_______________
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