The 5 Cs Of Life
Isha. She was the talkative one, the friendly one, the one that spoke directly to my soul. Always, with her sweet smiles and giggles, she had a unique way of grabbing attention anywhere, whether you wanted it or not. Right from the time she would hurriedly crawl to the fridge door to get a blast of cold air and her love for “borosh” (yes, that was her first word) the world revolved around her. Yet she did not hesitate to give away her precious balloon to the little beggar girl. She has a large heart, a bit too large for my liking, but she is the gregarious one, the one that keeps the house full of talk and laughter and noise. Oh yes, noise, for those teenage years have been filled with noise, whether it was from the TV on at full blast or those songs blaring from the speakers or her voice loudly chattering on the phone, she filled my world with sound. She can drag me (kicking and screaming) into a conversation and talk to me about everything under the sun. With Isha gone, my world is that much more silent.
Amisha, the quiet one, the one that stole my soul. One look into her brooding big eyes and I knew my life would never be the same again. She took time to speak, when she did it was in one-word expressions, my favourite being “oley” when she would cling to my legs and want to be picked up. Her eyes tell me everything, even those little white lies she thinks she hides from me. Her tears too are silent, one could even think she never cries, but for the teardrops coursing down her cheek. She is my brave one, the one who knows when I need a hug and when I just want to be left alone. She is my savior, the light in my life, a light that burns fierce and strong. She is the one with the sensible head on her shoulders except when she is with her friends, who are her world and yes, there have been times when she has had me on tenterhooks when she has been on some escapade or the other. When we are together we share a quiet companionship that does not need words or explanations. With Amisha gone, my life is just that much darker.
My girls. Each as alike as chalk and cheese. Each with a distinct personality and character traits of their own, each totally unique. As with all children. They made me the woman I am today, and as their mother I had to change and adapt and learn and re-learn. Over the past nineteen years, they have kept my house and home full of their laughter, warmth and exuberance. My days have been spent planning my life around theirs, my errands have been run according to school schedules and pick-up times and I have had to wears many hats.
Now, both girls have left home.
I have just returned after dropping off the younger girl to her college near Delhi. Their room sits neatly organized for the first time in so many years and I can finally throw away their clutter and have myself some extra space! One friend called the other day, her child shall also be leaving for college and asked me, “you know, what advise do I give? How do I sum up everything I want them to know as they prepare to leave home?”
I don’t know. How can one sum up nine-teen years of parenting? Do we include basic hygiene? How can I even imagine what life will throw at them? Will the world be kind to them? But it got me thinking. And if I had to write it all down for my children (and I include the cousins and friends) I think it would boil down to the five Cs of college life. Here goes:
1. Challenge: Challenge yourself. You can do anything you set your heart to. You can get up early and be on time for that first lecture or that breakfast. Don’t drag your feet about it. You can fit in a walk or a swim or a game of badminton. Get some activity in your life, learn something new. Get out of your comfort zone every now and then, whether it’s by learning another language or a skill.
2. Cope: Learn to cope. With whatever comes your way, with whatever tools you have. Life will keep throwing you odd balls, learn to adapt and change and move on. It is not the end of the world.
3. Connect: Get off the phone. Look around yourself. Enjoy the scenery. Talk to people around you, taste your dinner instead of jabbering on social media. I’m serious, if you want to feel happy, you need to be alive in the moment and derive everything that each experience has to give. Snapchat posts are pretty pointless at the time.
4. Communicate: Talk, yes, talk. Talk to people, tell them what you feel. Do not hide behind a fear of “what will they think/say?” Everyone is entitled to their opinions, everyone can make mistakes. Unless you talk it through you will neither understand their point of view nor will you ever learn anything new. But be careful too. The times are never easy, do not ever deliberately hurt the sentiments or feelings of others. Yes, its is actually better to shut up at times. It's vital to know when.
5. Condone: Learn to forgive. Most of all, forgive yourself. One cannot love another person unless one is happy with one’s own self. So… learn to forgive, forgive yourself for your mistakes and slip-ups (but do not make it an excuse to repeat your mistakes!). Likewise, learn to ask for forgiveness when wrong. “Sorry” is a small word, but it can solve a lot of big problems. Never be afraid to say sorry, never hesitate to forgive. I guess I should say “forgive and forget" but I am aware that is not always possible. If you’ve been wronged, by all means, forgive and move on but don’t forget so easily that you can be trampled upon again. Learn. From your mistakes as well of those of others around you.
Most of all, remember, you are not the clothes you wear or the kajal you apply on your eyes. You are not your weight or the colour of the streaks in your hair. You are the words you speak, the promises that you keep. Your worth is measured not by the number of friends on Facebook or the number of ‘likes’ on Instagram but by how true you are to yourself. At this threshold of life, the person you are poised to become may cost you people, relationships, material things and more: choose that person above all else. Always. And remember, with all its sham and drudgery, it is a beautiful world. Be happy.
What would you say? Anything to add?
