Thursday, May 13, 2010


13 May 1992. A day that’s etched forever in my heart, as it has the infamy of being the day my father died. In a way I died too. But in the same breath you could say I was also born. To a new life bereft of the paternal security and comfort I was used to. So today that makes me an adult. 18 long years have passed eighteen years without the man who meant the world to me and more. And what, have I grown up then, have I matured into a little adult? Did my father really die that night? No, I shout and I will say no again and again for surely he is alive as he lives in me. How can he be dead then, if I still hear the gold of his voice, feel this thoughts guiding my every action, feel his fingers brush away my tears?
Ah, then I have the memories………

I still remember the blood that flowed
as fresh and near as now
I remember every night in the ICU
sitting silent afraid to move....
lest I cause you pain

I don't remember what I thought
but I could feel your strength
gathering itself in my veins
letting me stay there by your side
time and again

I never once heard you complain
or twist your face in fear
your eyes stayed bright and I was proud
that you were my father
and fighting still

I remember you at home, those days
of stilted smiles and broken dreams
are etched forever in my heart
a vivid memory that I cannot

I try very hard to forget it all
and think nothing of it
but these memories are engraved
too deep to erase even
if I could.

Sometimes in my silence
I understand that final lesson
I have learned. And if anyone thinks
that I am strong, they think wrong.
it’s you that lives in me.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Smile please!

For a while now, I’ve been upset. About various things…, things not working out the way I wanted it to, the girls’ school work…etc etc, the list seemed long, tedious and endless. So I’ve been moping around, coming out with the most pathetic statements on my fb status and basically spreading the shit around.
Thankfully these things do not last. I got a virtual kick from a cousin who, in not so many words, told me to shut the fuck up about my cribbing…and then I took one good look at myself and decided I do not like the crabby full-of-herself person I am now….So here goes, this is right here, right now. Cheers to the good times, life’s too short to sweat the small stuff!!!!

Little beads of sweat
little drops on my face…
heralding rain
on a muggy day,
hot and sultry
I sit and gaze
at the sky where
rain clouds are held at bay
by the late morning air
ominous and still….
I can forget about
these grey walls
the draft incomplete
the petition unread
the cases left open
for another time.
Clients can wait
the day can pass
life can be on hold
for this moment is mine.
The skies burst open
with a clap of thunder
my mind runs out
as the raindrops shatter
on my head

Wait then, I know
you will
I’ll catch up with
all my duties again
I’ll smile I’ll plead
I’ll even be funny
if you want me to…..

But now let me be,
quiet in my thoughts,
a song on my lips,
a smile in my voice!