Saturday, September 1, 2018

Worry lines...

I have been ignoring this blog for too long. I've been busy scheduling posts elsewhere (I have been too lazy to post all the links here) and writing poetry and this little sliver of light has been dwindling away in the corner.
In the meantime, a lot of water has flown under the bridge. One girl (Isha) has actually cleared her board exams and managed to go away to college in Pune. Yes, she seems to have settled in nicely with her hostel and classes. The younger one (Amisha) is poised on the brink of her half-yearly exams and soon shall be taking her boards as well. If all goes according to plan, by this time next year she too will be studying in some college away from home and I shall be wondering whose head I can chew up next!
Predictably, Amisha continues to give me a lot of grief... I never see her studying, she is always chattering with her friends or watching some stupid "Blacklist" on Netflix or up to no good on whatever is the trending app of the day! But you know what? I've learnt to just smile it away. Isha always complained that she got all the brunt of my anger and I was much more relaxed when it came to Amisha and I finally think she might have been right. After going through the throes of dragging one child up I guess we are better equipped (read calmer) to handle the second one!
Having said that, I've also been learning a lot from the girls. They are now at an age where I can have a half decent conversation without either of us flying into a screaming rage and they enrich and scandalise me with snippets of their lives. Amisha is now writing a blog (!!!!) and I find her ideas innovative and interesting... despite the fact that her cellphone has now become an extension of her hand! Isha of course is far away and what they say about distance making hearts fonder is completely true. She is also coping on her own, had to visit a dentist without me being there to hold her hand and all in all I'm quite ready to pat myself on the back and say that I can almost see the finishing line!!!
Almost. Because don't forget there's a whole round of college entrance tests etc yet to be scheduled and poked at.
Poked at because you know teenagers. There's a slew of emails from the school regarding college entrance and when I ask she all she does is shrug and say, "Chill." You bet!!! This morning I asked her which colleges she will be applying to and she mumbled two names and there I was having a cardiac arrest because we all know about the rat race and the stiff competition to get into these places. I suspect this girl actually derives intense pleasure from seeing the worry lines on my face!
My bad back has ensured I am in bed most of the time. In a way that is a blessing for Amisha, I cannot hound her as much as I want to, lying in bed and calling for her is no competition to plonking myself in her room and eating her head and she knows it! She also runs away to the guest room to "study" because then she cannot hear me when I call. I am so tempted to get a remote bell.
So I read books and I think. I also worry about all the things I could have told Isha but didn't... you know those pearls of wisdom, like potato cooks faster if there is no tomato or sour thing in it? That if oil catches fire she should never pour water on it? Like if she rides pillion on a bike theres that little thing you put your foot on, she should not drag her feet about like I've seen people do?
So I groan and grunt and get up and go and tell Amisha. She looks at me like I just grew a second nose!

I swear, I have worry lines running up my arms because of these two! 

Sunday, July 22, 2018

To Isha.

Words are superfluous

They roll off my tongue

Like the sweat on a labourer's back

Toiling in the midday sun.

Over and over words failed me

When I first held you on my breast

Unimagined pain, unbridled joy

As you wailed your first little breath.

Words were never adequate

Watching you evolve

From tiny steps to hands that let go

Rippled images that quickly dissolve

Yet my words reached you

I feel them in your heady laugh

Sharp and warm, there were a lot of those

Yet I wonder, were they enough?

You wait for my words

You are certain they will be there

Another throw of hands, another shrug

This mother 'wisdom', another lecture.

But words tire me now

They strip bare this old soul

Forever searching this weary heart

For words that will keep you whole.

I wish I had the magic words

That would keep you forever safe

But I only have only the words I left unsaid

Silence to heal when life will chafe.

Go then, I hold no words for you

Content to watch you take flight

For fly you must and fly you will

On wings that will carry you through the night.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Thoughts from a vagina.

What I took away from a rendition of The Vagina Monologues staged in Kolkata last night.
Momspresso Check out this blog post "Thoughts from a vagina." by Ipsita Banerjee. Read Here: